Leading through change starts with one conversation

Pulling harder isn't working

When change gets hard, most of us do the same thing. We pull harder. More meetings, more updates, more effort, longer hours.

Imagine two people pulling on opposite ends of a rope. The harder each one pulls, the tighter the knot in the middle gets. Nobody wins. Everyone gets tired.

That's what a lot of change feels like right now. Exhausted people pulling harder on the same rope.

The bowline

Sailors have used a knot called the bowline for centuries. It has two special properties.

First, once it's tied, it holds. However much load you put on it, it won't slip.

Second, it never jams. However hard it has been pulled, one simple move undoes it.

That's what the right conversation can do. A team can be under huge strain, pulling in different directions, stuck in the same argument for months. Then one honest conversation, with the right person, at the right time, releases the pressure.

Think back. Is there a conversation that changed the direction you were heading? Most of us can name one, maybe two or three. A manager who told you a hard truth. A colleague who asked the question nobody else would.

The question for this change is simple: what's the next Bowline Conversation you can have?

It starts with you

There's a useful distinction in William Bridges' work on managing transitions.¹ (More in our guide to the Bridges Transition Model.) Change is what happens around us: the new structure, the new system, the new boss. Transition is what happens inside us as we come to terms with it. Organisations announce change. People go through transition, each at their own pace.

That's why every conversation in Change Ready has two halves.

The conversation with yourself. What do I actually think about this? What am I worried about? What am I avoiding? You can't help other people make sense of a change you haven't made sense of yourself.

The conversation with others. Once you're clearer, you can have a better conversation with your team, your manager, your colleagues. Not to convince them, but to understand where they are and find a way forward together.

This works whether you're leading the change or living through it. Most people are doing both at once.

Before any conversation: check your state

The way you walk into a conversation shapes it before you've said a word. If you arrive rushed, distracted or still annoyed about the last meeting, people feel it.

Before an important conversation, take ten seconds:

• What state am I in right now? Tense, distracted, present?
• What energy do I want to bring into this room?
• What is this conversation for? Is it for me to listen and understand, to help solve a problem, or for us to work something out together?

That last question matters more than it looks. A lot of frustrating conversations happen because one person wanted to be heard and the other person tried to fix it.

Your first step

Write down one conversation about the change you're in that, if it happened well, would release some of the pressure. Who is it with? What would you open with?

Then take the Change Readiness Check to see which of the six conversations your team needs most.

Questions people ask

How do you lead a team through uncertainty?

Shrink the horizon and keep talking. Be honest about what you don't know and say when you will know. Focus the team on the next few days rather than the whole change, and make it safe for people to say what's worrying them.

What is the difference between change and transition?

Change is the external event: the new structure, system or role. Transition is the inner process people go through to come to terms with it. Organisations plan the change; people go through the transition, each at their own pace.